I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
