Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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