Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
