so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
