ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
