Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize