Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
