Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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