Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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