My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
