That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
