Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He has the fingertips of a God
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