My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
