I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
