Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
