remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
