I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
