we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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