I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
