It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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