I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
