no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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