I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
