I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize