I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
