He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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