PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
