...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize