Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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