i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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