WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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