Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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