You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
