Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
