"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
