I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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