i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
