By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
