Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
