I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
