why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
