I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
