I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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