You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
