I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
