yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize