After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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