loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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