You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
