you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
