there's paper in my vomit.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
