When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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