Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
