therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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