so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
