oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
