I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
