I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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