just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize