I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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