WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
