I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
