are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Boobs are out for the taking
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize